Thursday, March 17, 2011

A whale, Pope John Paul II, and peeing

I have spent many hours the last 2 days reading the posts from Jen Lancaster's latest contest.  She asked her readers to post their quirkiest quirk and the winner received an advanced copy of her book.  I laughed out loud when reading the winning comment.  Then I read it again 20 minutes later and laughed out loud again.  Then I read it to C tonight and laughed again.  I did not participate because I couldn't think of my quirks by 6 p.m. last night.  But of course they hit me as soon as I started reading everyone else's.

I present my top ten eleven quirks.  If you don't want to know how often I change my underwear or read about my love for watching a distressed whale swim up a river, then you should probably just come back tomorrow.

1. Without trying to sound like I'm insensitive, because I'm not, or I don't have no soul, because I do and I love Jesus, I cannot stop watching media coverage on natural disasters.  I cannot turn it off.  I will also check CNN, FoxNews, Drudge and if it's a worldly event BBC.  Be it a hurricane, massive snow storm, sinkhole in New York City, or a whale swimming up the River Thames, I must have all the facts. I think it's because I am always in awe of the power of nature. I can't leave the house for fear that I will miss something.  Had I not had a flight the next morning, when the Hurricane Ike winds swept through Ohio in September 2008 causing many to lose power for over a week and bringing down billboards with the slightest of ease, I would have made C drive around the county with me to survey the damage.   On our way to Ft. Wayne a few weeks ago I was a bit a lot bummed that we couldn't take the normal route because all the roads were closed due to flooding.  That did not, however, stop me from pointing out every single flooded creek, river, lake, pond, and field that I saw.

2. I also love non-weather or water related breaking news.  I guess you could say I also enjoy unnatural disasters. The two things that will keep me inside when we are at the beach (and I know this for a fact) are a car chase and power outages in Manhattan. When Pope John Paul II was on his death bed, I skipped "math" class just to see the black smoke rise from the chimney when he had died.  He didn't die during the 40 minutes of "math" class, but I'm sure if I had gone, he would've gone too.

(The math class that taught me to think like a 2nd grader.)

3. On a related note, my very rich math teacher called me during the class to let me know that she had left my homework on the table and I could get it later that day.  I answered the phone because who's teacher calls during the class?  And that brings me to quirk #3, cannot not answer the phone when it's ringing.  What if it's an emergency?

4. I cannot let things go. Just last night C said, "I have an idea I want to bounce off of you." Then he changed his mind and didn't want to tell.  I wouldn't let it go. I had to know right then and there.  I also don't let grudges go.  If I haven't told you about the birthday party I was invited to in kindergarten only because someone else couldn't go thus opening up a spot for me, let me know.

5. I have a bladder made of iron.  In 8th grade I didn't use the restrooms at St. Mary's once.  To this day I can still go all day at work without going to the bathroom. Yet, whenever I'm going to be away from a toilet for a long period of time (even just a 3 hour road trip) I have to pee right before we leave.  This is amplified 40 times right before I go to bed.  I can get ready for bed in any order, but I must pee last.  If I pee and then brush my teeth and remove my contacts I have to pee again even though I just went 2 minutes ago. And sometimes when C gets home from work after I've gone to bed I still have to get up and pee, even if it is just 30 minutes after I went to bed and I don't have to go at all.

6. I know I'm not the only one who when one-third of the way through a book (only when it's chick lit) has to jump to the end to see if the girl ends up with the right guy.  And if she doesn't I usually stick it out because I'm sure she has a good reason for going with the other one.  Only once have I stopped reading in the middle because the end was a total bummer.

7. The car or house thermostat must be set at an even number.  Or a 5. It's just how I roll.

8. I also have a shower routine.  Shampoo my hair, condition, then do everything else, top to bottom while the conditioner sits.  Once I'm all clean I can rinse the condition from my hair.  If I do something out of order, like pour body wash before I have washed my face, I will waste the body wash in order to go back and grab the face wash. While this is a routine of habit it is also a routine that I must keep in order to make sure I don't forget anything (like shaving my armpits).

9. I cannot throw away (or even give away) bags.  I'm talking the paper and plastic kind.  I'm not sure what emergency will arise that will call for 100 plastic grocery bags and paper shopping bags from every store in the US (plus a few from Europe) but I am ready for such an occasion.  When C's parents were here a few weeks ago we were bagging up some leftovers for my mom and Mama E. picked out four different bags before I approved of one that could leave my house.

10. I just realized somehow this one got deleted last night.  And it's the one about my underwear.  Maybe it was fate, but I'm putting it back in anyway.  Once my underwear are past the ankles I have to put on a clean pair.  This means if I go swimming and just put on a clean pair of underwear just 30 minutes before I put on my suit, they need washed.  I figure the average underwear wearing person would take 4 pairs of underwear on a 3 night trip.  If there is a pool, I have to take 8-10 assuming we will go swimming at least once a day and then I'll still have 2 left overs for an unexpected swim or spilling pop all over my pants.  It's a good thing I get some many free coupons from Victoria's Secret because when I do laundry for every pair of C's underwear I clean 3 of mine.

11. Last, but certainly not least, and probably the biggest of them all (except for peeing before bed time) I must sleep on the side of the bed nearest to the window. Because if intruders come in the middle of the night, I don't want to be the one closest to the door.  They have to get through C to get to me.  So C and I don't really have sides of the bed.  I just get the one closest to the window.  And if he wants a certain side of the bed, he has to arrange the room so he can sleep on that side.  He has talked about arranging our bedroom furniture or even moving our bedroom to the other room, but I think what is ultimately stopping him is the fact that he has to give up his side of the bed.

I also cannot stand the sound of guys peeing.  But that's a story for another day.

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